| I never thought I would actually resort to writing in one of these Xanga things, but for whatever reason I feel the need to write my random thoughts down somewhere, and what better place then the internet for anyone to see. However, I doubt I will actually tell anyone, except maybe a few, that I actually have one of these damn things. I’m not sure if there is a certain way to actually go about writing in one of these, since this is my first time, but I figure you just start writing, whatever you want to write about, so I guess I’ll get started.
For those of you that don’t know me, I AM GREG, that’s for you Brooke. I go to Edmond Santa Fe, and play baseball. That pretty much sums me up right there…. Nah I like to think I have a little more depth to me then just that. I don’t know, I consider my self a pretty funny guy, people might be laughing, just so I will shut up, I haven’t quite figured it out yet, nor do I really care. The only thing I really care about doing in life is having a good time, regardless what I’m doing. What is the point of doing something if it isn’t fun? Exactly, there is no point. I like to think I’m a fun person, at least a fun one to be around. You won’t see me going off on any drinking binge or some huge drug thing, I’m not really into that, that’s a whole family thing, I’m sure ill dig into that sometime in the future, I like writing about my messed up family tree.
Now that I’ve had a paragraph to think about it, I think I know why I’m actually writing in this thing. To tell you the truth, I’ve had a lot of things building up inside of me, that have just been bothering me. I’m not like, suicidal or anything, lifes not that bad for me, I think you would just call it frustration? Eh, every teenager goes through it, and I don’t consider my self any more special then any of the others, however, it does help none the less to write down whatever I’m feeling. Recently, it has been frustrations. I admit it, I’m a spoiled Edmond kid. I tend to get what I want, and I’ll bitch if something doesn’t go my way. I’m not a brat or anything, just, spoiled, and I’m not really ashamed, because you can ask just about anyone if I’m a good kid and if I work hard or not. I’m pretty confident I know what the answer will be.
I’m beginning to start rambling, that’s something you might have to get use to in the future. I tend to just ramble on about something else, delaying a story and usually making it worst then it already is. I even do it in person, I don’t know what its crazy. Deal with it, that’s about all I can say, your probably skipping through here anyway hoping I’ll make some mention of your name or something. Or you have probably given up and aren’t even reading any more resulting in this whole thing being a waste of time for me. I’m rambling again.
Anyway, I can’t help but feel something is missing in my life. I have felt like this for a very, very long time. My very close friends probably know what is going on, I don’t really like to speak freely about what exactly I’m talking about so I’ll keep it vague. None the less, it is like some giant emptiness that just eats away at whatever joy I have in a day. I do a good job at putting on a good front. People probably have no idea I have somewhat of a depression inside. Its probably not healthy that I keep it bottled up, but I think that’s probably the point to all this typing I’m doing. Back to the subject, it’s this emptiness that leaves my life confused, and I don’t want to say meaningless because I refuse to let one thing control my life in such a way, but it is very important to me. The frustrating part is that I have no idea what I need to do about it. I’m just hoping patience is the key, it tends to be the key to most things. Try not to give it to much thought, no matter how hard it is, that’s about all I can do for now.
College is coming up. I want to get into OU so bad. My friend Spring has kind of convinced me to apply to KU, I meet the requirements, so I think I will. I’m learning that grades actually do matter though, and that half assign your way through high school is just freaking stupid. I wish I could go back and not be so stupid. But, it’s to late and I’m stuck in the whole I dug my self, I can only hope I can get out of it. I know eventually I’d be able to get into OU or any major college even if I don’t enroll the first year. It’s just my little goal I’m using for motivation, but even my motivation is failing me this year. I’m just in one of those confused little times I guess. The only thing that really brings satisfaction in my life is lifting up at results. I can’t stand days where I can’t go lift weights. I think I’m addicted to it, but I suppose there could be worse things to be addicted to. I get a lot of crap for actually eating right, we will see who is talking crap in 10 years at our reunions however.
I go in for my 6 week assessment in a couple of weeks. I didn’t get to do it the first week cause some football players broke the calipers they use to measure body fat and stuff, I’m not quite sure what I started at, but I’d bet it was 11 or 12%. But, like my friend Spring knows, I’m not the best betting man in the world, damn Patriots. Anyway, my 2nd assestment I was like at, 10.5 percent or something which I thought was pretty cool. Then the third it shot all the way down to like 5. something. I couldn’t believe it, I lost like 9 pounds of fat also. I was pretty proud of my self. I didn’t really want to lose 10 pounds in weight though, I was all the way down to 151. I’m in the process of building up my weight back to 160, this time it should be lean mass and not nasty ass fat. I have a feeling this is what this little thing is going to turn into, my little fitness journal. I wont forget to add some kind of emotional paragraph in there though that’s actually worth reading.
The guys at baseball were all joking about voting me and Brooke as best couple, it was pretty funny I must admit. It got me thinking though, and know I don’t like her like that or anything, but she is actually someone pretty important to me, especially right now. She doesn’t really know, and I know she could give a rats ass to read this, but shes definetly my best friend, hell I eat lunch with her everyday. We just kind of think in the same ways, its kind of creepy, it use to be real weird back in the day. I talked crap on her boyfriend one time which wasn’t really cool of me and I’m sorry for that one. That was kind of random. Anyway, I kind of felt like saying something about her in here. Since my other best friend is moving to Kansas City pretty soon, I’m kind of left to dry when it comes to people I actually care about. It’s a shame we don’t get to hang out more often then we do at school, but its not something that bothers me to much.
Well, I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on tonight about my life. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll hint at some kind of sorrow I have in my life, just because I’m desperate for attention. I think I might also use this thing to rant about things that piss me off in the world. Me and my friend Austin Marshall use to have this website where we would do that, it was actually pretty popular. We just didn’t have the drive to keep it going, we tried to bring it back last year but I was to busy. Those were good times… Anyway, this thing is getting close to three pages in Microsoft word which is kind of pathetic I think, so I think I will try to go to sleep and listen to some Beatles. Good night.
“Happiness, is a warm gun”
-The Beatles-
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